I struggled this week with a subject to write about. I've been listening to a lot of great music but not intently enough to write about it. So I thought I might write about something else that's been on my mind, heartbreak, but really, how fucking depressing is that! Then I thought I would take the lazy way out and just leave you the link to a dirty story I wrote, but fuck, I'm not the lazy type.
So I guess we're back to heartbreak. I have made a deal with my head and my heart to never fall in love again. And don't start thinking, "Oh Cat, you don't mean that" crap either. I really do mean that. But don't get me wrong, I'm not swearing off men. I love men, I mean I really love men. I love their bodies, I love their strength and I love their minds - especially when they're dirty, hehe!
I just don't want to give away that much of myself again. I want my life to be my own. I want to do my own thing. I want control of the remote control! What I need to figure out is how I can have my cake and eat it too. How do you take what you need from someone else without giving something of yourself back? Is it possible? You know there's a comments box at the bottom of the page...if you have any advice at all, it would be very much fucking appreciated.
Fuck, I don't know how to do it! And when a man is all of the above - sexy, strong, smart and dirty minded, well fuck, I might as well just break off a piece of my heart and hand it over to him! Now you might be saying...well Cat, what's wrong with that? Let me explain again...I want my life to be my own. I want to do my own thing. I want control of the remote control!
So eventually it's gotta end. As a wise friend once told me, sooner or later it's going to be time to either move in or move on. The worst part of it is - it fucking hurts to let go. Fuck! Considering I can't give up my passion for sexy, strong, smart, dirty minded men...and I want my own life, I have to expect that I will be hurting from time to time. I guess I'll just have to deal.
But I don't want you to worry about me. There are actually a few tools I have learned about to help with this kind of heartache. Let me tell you about them, perhaps you'll use them too someday. First, I talk to people who really like me. They tell me how fucking beautiful and smart I am. Reminding me that I don't need to compromise who I am. And most importantly they make me laugh.
Second, I listen to music that lifts me. For my last heartache, I called in the girls...Aretha Franklin, Janis Joplin, Macy Gray, Sass Jordan and I topped it all off with Bif Naked's "I Love Myself Today". Fucking A. These chicks know what I'm feeling. If I'm feeling especially angry I'll bring in Alanis Morissette and her Jagged Little Pill album too. You're never alone if you have someone or something to relate to. In music you can find that something...always.
And last but not least...and my personal favorite...I find someone new to play with. I don't need to be alone. I am a sexy, attractive, and intelligent woman and there are a number of sexy, strong, smart, dirty minded men in this great big world. I'll keep myself open to new adventures. Who knows what I'll discover.
In the meantime...I am willing to take any new suggestions of dealing with heartbreak or better yet how to avoid it completely without giving up relationships. And for those of you over 18 years of age that would still rather read my dirty story....DM me on twitter and I'll send you a link........; )