You know who I haven't talked about in a while? Sully Erna. In fact it's been months. I bet he thinks I don't love him anymore...note to Cat - Sully doesn't know who the fuck you are, get over yourself! After all I have been talking about some fucking hot bands - Gift of Destiny, some fucking hot shows - Foo Fighters and how dark and ominous music fucking turns me on - Suboculis.
The truth of the matter is, though, he really has nothing to worry about...note to Cat - yeah! no fucking kidding! he still doesn't know who the fuck you are! Sully still stars in most of my favorite fantasies - ooh la la!...note to Sully - I wanted to say something really dirty to you here, but everything I tried sounded fucking weird and stalker-ish so I'm just gonna let you know that your performance in my fantasies is even hotter than your performance on stage!
I've been thinking of Sully quite a bit as of late and no, not all of it has been dirty. You see, I finally picked up Sully's book "The Paths We Choose....A Memoir." I had to order it from the States...note to Sully - your book is not available in Canada! What the fuck? I read the first 30 pages, put the book down in amazement, grabbed my post-it notes and started reading from the beginning again.
For as long as I have been listening to Godsmack, I have felt a connection to the music and an attraction to the voice relaying their message. After listening to Sully Erna's solo album Avalon, well, I just knew that we would understand one another. I also knew I had to know him better...and what better way to get to know a man better then to let him tell you his life story.
I returned to the beginning of the book because I was shocked by how many parallel experiences we both had and I felt a need to record them. Now I'm not saying Sully and I grew up in the same circumstances...in fact most of it's the complete opposite. Our childhoods couldn't have been more different and yet we had very similar experiences. It was fucking freaky!
Let me give you just a couple of examples. We'll start with the very first one I noticed. On page 9 of The Paths we Choose, Sully writes about where he grew up:
"The Lawrence I remember was full of murderers, thieves, and rapists, and half the
time those people were your next-door neighbors. I've known young girls who got raped on
the railroad tracks and watched them turn from wholesome schoolgirls into junkies."
I, myself, grew up in a number of small communities. One of them being a small town just north of Edmonton Alberta. Everybody knew everybody and the neighborhood was considered a safe place to raise a family. At the age of 7, I was raped by my 13 year old babysitter. I didn't tell anybody about it until I was 14. I actually thought it was my fault because in my little girl mind I wanted this big boy to think I was pretty. Well apparently he did. At least it didn't turn me into a fucking junkie, but I do recognize it could of. I've said before...the stock I was born from consisted of sluts and addicts.
Who knows where my life would have taken me had I chosen the path with the partying rockstar wannabe boyfriend with the wild lifestyle. In fact, I almost did choose that path. The only reason I didn't was because I really fucking wanted to. Even by the age of 16, I recognized that what I wanted usually ended up with me in fucking trouble. So for a time, until I could trust my own judgement, what I did was the exact opposite of what I wanted to do.
I've used this kind of reverse thinking in other circumstances in my life as well. My mother was never the maternal type. We never bonded as mother and daughter. I don't think my mom wanted to be abusive and neglectful, she just didn't know how to be a mom. Plus she had her own problems that included control issues and alcoholism. In my own experiences as a mother, whenever I have come to a point of indecision I think, "What would mom do?" Then I do the exact opposite. So I nearly fell off my chair when I read in Sully's book pg 20 and 21:
"Now, I may not know everything about being a dad yet, but I do know what not
to do through the experiences I've had with my father".....
....."At the time I didn't even realize that he had no clue on how to be a dad."
Throughout the rest of Sully's descriptions of his growing up I came across many more parallels including the fact that we both went to a number of different schools. Now in Sully's case, it was due mostly to fighting and getting expelled from schools. For me, it was because we moved around so much. Regardless, we both know what it was like to always be the new kid. I went to 13 different schools between Kindergarten and graduating high school.
I actually dropped out of school completely for a year after my ninth year. I didn't struggle in school...I just found it so fucking boring! When I adopted the earlier mentioned attitude of doing the opposite of what I actually wanted to do, I bit the bullet, returned to school and graduated three years later.
I loved that Sully wrote a small bit about his religion...Wicca. He wasn't preachy about it but expressed a desire to resolve some misconceptions about the belief. I myself do not belong to any religion, choosing instead to look inward for the higher power that is in all of us to find strength and guidance. I try to take the most positive teachings from all religions and roll them into my own belief system. And I do love the first law of Wicca - Do what thou wilt and harm none. Seriously, how brilliant is that? Go about your business, just don't hurt anything! There is so much fucking pain and hate on this planet, why would anyone want to add to it.
Admittedly, my favorite part in The Paths we Choose is when Sully writes that he has a soft spot for pretty blondes....note to Sully - look in the upper right hand side of this page! Maybe not supermodel material but not fucking bad either! I think if I had met Sully way back when, I might have caught his eye. We might have gotten together and we probably would have broken each others hearts. Damaged people tend to do that until they learn how to heal themselves. For Sully and I both, that came later in adulthood after making and learning from many fucking mistakes.
I'm a little amazed at how two people who have lived such different lives can share so many similar experiences. It's through our experiences that make us who we are, so even though Sully and I did choose very different paths we both kinda ended up in the same place - of mind. That's right, we both love the band name Wargasm! I am so glad I picked up this book. I have such a better understanding of why I can relate so well to Sully's music, whether it is the group effort of Godsmack or his solo project. I'm hoping one day, I might cross Sully's path and that we may have an opportunity to get to know one another. I know we will be friends...note to Sully - with benefits, please let it be with benefits!.........; )
Showing posts with label Sully Erna. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sully Erna. Show all posts
Thursday, 1 December 2011
Thursday, 8 September 2011
Speaking of sex......
In my last post I touched on the sexuality of music. Rock is what helped me identify what I was feeling when the first stirrings began. Let me explain....before rock came into my life as a young teenager, I was feeling at odds with myself. I was restless, distracted, feeling trapped and held down. I felt if I could find a way to run faster than my skin I would have done it to break free.
Rock, with it's steady bass lines, cool guitar riffs and suggestive lyrics helped me name the restlessness within me....holy shit, I was horny! Don't get me wrong...I was still a very good girl at this time. I was also very shy and inhibited - I couldn't even look at myself naked in the mirror let alone get naked with someone else! I knew I wanted to try sex but I had no idea about how to go about getting laid!
At this time in my life, mom was spending all her free time in the bar, my stepfather was a bartender so he was never home and my younger sister - that I was in charge of while mom was in the bar...- was always at one friends or another. In other words, I had the house to myself.
It was Saturday afternoon and my best friend and I decided to have a drink of my stepfather's whiskey while we listened to music outside. The whiskey was straight up because we thought the neighbors would think it was apple juice and the music - April Wine's Stand Back as a matter of fact - was coming from my parents 3' speakers, placed outside the side door facing the street...you know, just in case someone didn't notice us.
We reasoned that we should finish the bottle so my parents wouldn't notice that some of the whiskey was missing. For the life of me, I still can't find the logic in that plan. My friend fucked off after 2 shots but I stuck to the plan. When my stepfather drove around the corner to see me puking on the front lawn, I ran away from home to...get this...'the house across the street'. I was pretty fucking drunk and couldn't walk a straight line let alone run but he was fat and out of shape so he still couldn't catch me. I took the long way - around the block...okay 3 blocks...yeah, I got lost...I was drunk...but doubled back through the alley, so my stepfather was never the wiser as to where I ended up.
As luck would have it 'the house across the street' was full of teenage boys - parents were gone for the weekend, they had dope, pills and booze - the party was on. Let's just say it was that weekend at the tender age of 14 when I learned what effect alcohol had on inhibitions and how easy it was to get boys to fuck me!
Songs such as Boston's Party, Meatloaf's Paradise by the Dashboard Light, Foreigner's Dirty White Boy, and lets not forget Pat Benetar's ode against the sexual double standard Hit Me with Your Best Shot gave me inspiration to explore my sexuality with confidence.
It was the '70's. Everybody was fucking everybody, swinging and divorce were fashionable for our parents. The gene pool I came from was comprised of sluts and addicts, I was a teen with raging hormones...it was my time!! I went from being a very good girl to being a very very bad girl in a very very very short time. I loved sex...I still do, only difference is today I don't have those raging hormones to fight against and I now have the strength be a lot more discriminating.
That being said...music can still ignite a primitive fire in my body, grabbing me by the cunt and making me horny beyond belief. The music of bands such as Hinder, Saving Abel, Shinedown and the Stereophonics all turn me on, get me in the mood so to speak...but admittedly the band that has the biggest influence on my sex is Godsmack. There is something so sexy in their music style/sound/image - whatever - that when I hear it, I just want to throw myself at Sully Erna's feet and beg him to let me suck his...well....you get the picture.
On retrospect I thought it might be just because of Sully and that I was attracted to him, but no...I'm old school, I hear my music long before I see it and Godsmack as a package, their music, made my panties wet long before I ever saw Sully. When I did finally see a video, Sully's beauty and sexy body just gave me a very desirable object for my dirty little fantasies. This has earned Sully a place on my 'Bucket List' - you know - the things I want to do most before I die.
In fact he is in the top 3......
Cat's Bucket List
1. Make or win more than $1,000,000. Desired outcome - Share the wealth ensuring financial stability for all my loved ones.
2. Purchase estate big enough to hold entire family. Desired outcome - Provide a place for loved ones to gather ensuring the strength of the family bond.
4. Get a boob job! Desired outcome - respectable, high, firm C cup
......(I don't want nor need gargantuan tits - I bet it feels just as good to me when my bitty B cup titties get fondled, sucked, and fucked as it would if I was packing a pair of DD's)
and the list goes on..........hmmmm, I wonder if Sully would prefer to be moved down the list a notch?
Speaking of Godsmack....they were my Grand Finale to my "Summer of Rock". I caught their show in Calgary, August 31, 2011. I had a blast!!! That's a great subject for my next post! Hints of what happened at the show are:
Rock, with it's steady bass lines, cool guitar riffs and suggestive lyrics helped me name the restlessness within me....holy shit, I was horny! Don't get me wrong...I was still a very good girl at this time. I was also very shy and inhibited - I couldn't even look at myself naked in the mirror let alone get naked with someone else! I knew I wanted to try sex but I had no idea about how to go about getting laid!
At this time in my life, mom was spending all her free time in the bar, my stepfather was a bartender so he was never home and my younger sister - that I was in charge of while mom was in the bar...- was always at one friends or another. In other words, I had the house to myself.
It was Saturday afternoon and my best friend and I decided to have a drink of my stepfather's whiskey while we listened to music outside. The whiskey was straight up because we thought the neighbors would think it was apple juice and the music - April Wine's Stand Back as a matter of fact - was coming from my parents 3' speakers, placed outside the side door facing the street...you know, just in case someone didn't notice us.
We reasoned that we should finish the bottle so my parents wouldn't notice that some of the whiskey was missing. For the life of me, I still can't find the logic in that plan. My friend fucked off after 2 shots but I stuck to the plan. When my stepfather drove around the corner to see me puking on the front lawn, I ran away from home to...get this...'the house across the street'. I was pretty fucking drunk and couldn't walk a straight line let alone run but he was fat and out of shape so he still couldn't catch me. I took the long way - around the block...okay 3 blocks...yeah, I got lost...I was drunk...but doubled back through the alley, so my stepfather was never the wiser as to where I ended up.
As luck would have it 'the house across the street' was full of teenage boys - parents were gone for the weekend, they had dope, pills and booze - the party was on. Let's just say it was that weekend at the tender age of 14 when I learned what effect alcohol had on inhibitions and how easy it was to get boys to fuck me!
Songs such as Boston's Party, Meatloaf's Paradise by the Dashboard Light, Foreigner's Dirty White Boy, and lets not forget Pat Benetar's ode against the sexual double standard Hit Me with Your Best Shot gave me inspiration to explore my sexuality with confidence.
It was the '70's. Everybody was fucking everybody, swinging and divorce were fashionable for our parents. The gene pool I came from was comprised of sluts and addicts, I was a teen with raging hormones...it was my time!! I went from being a very good girl to being a very very bad girl in a very very very short time. I loved sex...I still do, only difference is today I don't have those raging hormones to fight against and I now have the strength be a lot more discriminating.
That being said...music can still ignite a primitive fire in my body, grabbing me by the cunt and making me horny beyond belief. The music of bands such as Hinder, Saving Abel, Shinedown and the Stereophonics all turn me on, get me in the mood so to speak...but admittedly the band that has the biggest influence on my sex is Godsmack. There is something so sexy in their music style/sound/image - whatever - that when I hear it, I just want to throw myself at Sully Erna's feet and beg him to let me suck his...well....you get the picture.
On retrospect I thought it might be just because of Sully and that I was attracted to him, but no...I'm old school, I hear my music long before I see it and Godsmack as a package, their music, made my panties wet long before I ever saw Sully. When I did finally see a video, Sully's beauty and sexy body just gave me a very desirable object for my dirty little fantasies. This has earned Sully a place on my 'Bucket List' - you know - the things I want to do most before I die.
In fact he is in the top 3......
Cat's Bucket List
1. Make or win more than $1,000,000. Desired outcome - Share the wealth ensuring financial stability for all my loved ones.
2. Purchase estate big enough to hold entire family. Desired outcome - Provide a place for loved ones to gather ensuring the strength of the family bond.
3. Rock Sully Erna's world! Desired outcome - ahhh, aaaahhhhhh, aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh, AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!! ooooooooo Sully :)
4. Get a boob job! Desired outcome - respectable, high, firm C cup
......(I don't want nor need gargantuan tits - I bet it feels just as good to me when my bitty B cup titties get fondled, sucked, and fucked as it would if I was packing a pair of DD's)
and the list goes on..........hmmmm, I wonder if Sully would prefer to be moved down the list a notch?
Speaking of Godsmack....they were my Grand Finale to my "Summer of Rock". I caught their show in Calgary, August 31, 2011. I had a blast!!! That's a great subject for my next post! Hints of what happened at the show are:
- Roadies rock
- Caption on my photo on this page
- Had to use all my self control!
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